Posts Tagged ‘Marriage Without Monogamy’

Marriage Without Monogamy, Part Four

April 30, 2008 1 comment

My fourth essay in the “Marriage Without Monogamy” series went live on the Tango Magazine website a few days back. And this is interesting: In an especially smart and cunning effort to up my readership stats, the editors have apparently changed the essay’s title from “Marriage Without Monogamy, Part Four” to “Open Relationship Dos and Don’ts: Is it still an open relationship if you’re restricted by a long list of rules?”

And just in case you’re wondering what’s so brilliant about all that, the answer’s simple: Any-damn-thing posted online that contains the term “open relationship” is practically guaranteed instant popularity. Seriously. Actual editors of actual online magazines have said as much. And yet sadly, this entry in the MWM series has not yet been picked up by the Huffington Post, as my first, second, and third pieces were. I suppose it’s still possible that’ll happen sometime this week, especially given the story’s new SEO-friendly title. I’ll post a note here if that happens.   

And speaking of the Huffington Post, I’m putting together my first piece for them today. It’s about the current changing nature of marriage and relationships, which is more or less the same general ground I’ll be covering in all my future HuffPost pieces. Assuming this one goes over well and they ask me back, that is. Wish me luck!

Oh yeah guess what? The lovely and talented sex journalist/educator Tristan Taormino gave me a little shout-out on the website for her new book about creating and sustaining open relationships, “Opening Up” (Cleis Press).


The Daily Bedpost weighs in on Tango’s Marriage Without Monogamy column, again

March 27, 2008 Leave a comment

photoboothanimated.gifOnce again, the incredibly smart Sex & Relationship journalists known as Em & Lo have weighed in on the relationship I’ve been recently chronicling for Apparently, a good friend of Em & Lo’s accused them of having an anti-open relationship bias after he read their original post about Carrie and me. The friend’s comment seems to have hit the two of them hard, and I know exactly how they feel. During my stint as the Pittsburgh City Paper’s music editor, I was almost constantly taking shit from readers who felt I was a horrible journalist because I didn’t happen to share their exact taste in obscure noise-rock, or because I wasn’t covering enough local music, or because I was covering too much local music. 

The first time this happened, I actually cried. Sounds silly, I know. But people I’d never even met — and a few people I had met — were dissecting my worth on an online message board, of all things. I spent two or three days straight wondering if maybe they were right. Maybe I was a horrible journalist and a terrible writer. For a while, I literally couldn’t think about anything else for more than a few minutes at a time. But eventually I started to realize that these people were whining and moaning about my work for reasons that had almost nothing whatsoever to do with my work. And these days, when I write an article or an essay for a website and readers fill the comments section with nasty little quips, I’m practically thrilled. Why? Because it’s proof positive that I’ve touched a nerve — and that someone out there is reading my work.

However! I’m not sure I’ve ever had my work questioned by a close friend, as in Em & Lo’s situation. That can’t feel good. But try to keep your chins up, ladies — you’re among the very best sex journalists in the business — no question about it. To learn more about Em & Lo, visit

Having Our Cake & Eating It Too

March 25, 2008 1 comment

Now that I actually have a chance to sit back and think about it, I guess I always did expect the Marriage Without Monogamy column I’ve been writing for Tango to hit a few nerves. But I honestly didn’t expect to see the level of interest I’m seeing now. I can thank the Huffington Post, I suppose, for my first hint that this thing was going to be big. Someone there posted excerpts of my first two essays on the front page of the site’s Living section, and boy did the hate mail ever flow. I don’t think I managed to accomplish more than five or 10 minutes of work on the day I noticed that the Huff Post had picked the column up — I must have refreshed my browser a hundred times before I realized the work day was just about over, and all I had to show for it was a sore index finger. The thiong is, it’s just such an absolutely surreal feeling to sit by helplessly as perfect strangers tell the world how and why you are such a vile, nasty creature. Sigh.

(Update: An excerpt from the third Marriage Without Monogamy column just went live on the Huffington Post under the title, Open Relationships: What the World Needs Now?)

All that attention on the Huffington Post did turn into something bigger and more positive, however: I heard from an editor, who informed me that the excerpts of my Tango essays were actually clocking some of the site’s highest hit numbers. She also kindly invited me to start writing about Sex & Relationships for the site’s Living section, so as soon as I can come up with a few decent ideas, I’ll put together my first Huffington Post piece, and I’ll be sure to link to that essay here.  

Even more exciting than all that was the press the column got this morning on the Daily Bedpost, a Conde Nast blog written by Em & Lo  — you’ve probably read their Mating column in New York magazine. My good friend and amateur photographer Paul Severin did a photo-shoot with Carrie and me this past weekend specifically for the Daily Bedpost mention, and the picture above is the shot they used for the site. Ever since the post went live this morning, I’ve been telling people that the photo reminds me of the cover art on Fatboy Slim’s Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars, which sort of existentially describes where Carrie and are living these days…       

My Open Marriage Column for Tango Magazine

March 8, 2008 4 comments

threesomeI recently signed a contract to write a biweekly column for Tango magazine. Tango is a sex and relationships publication that is not entirely unlike, but with slightly less of an overt hipster edge, if you know what I mean. The column, which I’ll be writing for at least the next six months, is called Marriage Without Monogamy. And while it’s ostensibly about the open marriage I’m currently planning with my fiancée, on a slightly deeper level it’s about the very quickly changing nature of marriage culture, so to speak, in the 21st century. My first essay went online about a month ago, and it’s essentially an introduction of sorts to the larger story itself. You can read it by clicking here. The second essay was also published recently. To give that story a read, please click here.

Interestingly, the Huffington Post picked up both columns, and both have received a surprisingly amount of attention by Huff Post readers. Seriously: If you’re having a rough day at work and feeling the need for a good, deep laugh, check out the Readers Comments that have been posted at the end of the essay. Many of them are just absolutely insane; you can actually feel the anger seeping off the computer monitor, and as a writer myself, I can tell you from personal experience that that’s not necessarily the easiest thing to do! You can read all the Readers Comments by clicking here, and then scrolling down just a bit.

Marriage Without Monogamy

February 22, 2008 Leave a comment

bizplan1.jpgAbout a month ago, I was contracted to write a biweekly column about open relationships and alternative marriages for Tango (, a magazine that covers all manner of sex and relationship issues. It’s quite a bit like Nerve, but without the overt hipness, if you know what I mean. Women, supposedly, are the magazine’s intended demographic, but my suspicion is that just as many men are studying its content and taking good notes. At least, they should be. 

Anyway, my column’s first entry, Marriage Without Monogamy, was posted on Tango’s website about a week ago. A few days after that, it was picked up by the Huffington Post, which plugged the story in its Living department under the title, Marriage, Minus the Monogamy. And then all hell broke lose in the Huff Post’s Comments section.

To say that the essay raised a few eyebrows would be an enormous understatement. Not to put too fine a point on it, but these people ripped me a new one. Personally, I think they’re just jealous. And probably undersexed. And they’re definitely taking their lives at least a touch too seriously. But I’ve been in the writing business for a long time now, and it takes a lot for a reader to offend and/or upset me. That said, give these comments a look if you’re interested (but only after reading the essay!), and let me know what you think.

The column’s second entry, by the way, has already been filed. It should be appearing soon on the Tango site, and I’ll post an announcement here as soon as that happens.